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Catching up and hello 2020!

Yesterday, I found out my crush from Uni days finally had a children. Last week, I found out my first boyfriend is going to get married  ...

Yesterday, I found out my crush from Uni days finally had a children. Last week, I found out my first boyfriend is going to get married  AND  I also found out my latest ex had his second wedding after getting divorced in just less than a year.


Me???? IDK. I'm just being the usual me. Ah, I still don't know a thing about life.

Well, kali ini gue cuma mau catching up sama kalian. Gue terakhir posting di blog ini sekitar akhir November kayaknya ya? Dari bulan November sampai Februari ini, honestly nothing much happened sih. I’ve just so focused and drowned to the endless piles of documents and lots of strategic meetings.

Like seriously, I really really need a distraction from my job gitu loh sekarang. I feel like I've become the old me yang ngerecetin bawahan sampai down to a T, ngerongrong peers yang gag perform dan ngajak “discussion” atasan mulu yang mestinya bukan gue yang ajak.

Gue lupa kalau gue kan udah janji mau berubah, gue mau lebih santai sama kerjaan. Gue mau lebih "okay lah, there is a lot of things that will not go my way. Take a deep breath."  Tapi ternyata gag bisa. Gue tipikal orang yang butuh everything to get done perfectly sampai akhirnya gue baru ngerasa emang beneran done. Uh I hate myself on this.

Enough speaking of work related. Now on a lighter note. Kalian tau kan gue emang udah gag pernah nonton di bioskop. Ya karena emang gag suka nonton and mostly nonton kan karena diajak pacar. Kalau gag punya pacar ya emang gag nonton hahaha. Eh dari November, tau gag sih kalau gue udah ke bioskop 8 kali!!!! Gilaaaa, kalian gak nyangka kan? Sama gue juga.

Terus ya terus masa yah guiseeeee, gue main tinder?!?! hahahhaha. Awalnya gara-gara gak bisa tidur, gue jadi download tinder. Terus I found out that I still reluctant sama relationship. Hahhahaha. Abis mereka nanyanya apa deh? gak ada yang berbobot gitu. Kayak udah makan belum? lagi apa? tinggal dimana? Bye. Can't you talk to me on a heavier subject? LOL

Ada sih yang enak diajak discuss. Ada banget. Malah jatohnya jadi gue nagih ama itu orang. Eniwei, udah gue uninstall sih. Gak sehat buat gue yang emang sebenarnya gag cari laki.

Sejak akhir tahun kemarin, insom gw kambuh lagi. I just can’t shut my mind off. The wheels are always turning. Maybe because that finally this year I'm finally going to be 30 kali ya? Kayak a lot I mean A LOT crosses my mind esp when the world is sleeping.

When I was a child, I remember thinking that the kids who were 17, were proper fully fledged adults. I thought when I too turned 17, I would know what was up and have my shit together. Eh kok gak ya :( Turns out that 30 feels very similar to 29 – surprise, surprise –

Of course ya every life milestone has it’s challenges and it feels like the older you get, the higher stakes they are. I try my best not to focus on these worries, as most are ones that I can’t change the outcomes of through my actions anyway, but every now again they bubble up to the surface and I have to take a moment and break down aka crying. Hahahaha.

Whilst I’m actually ok with getting older, it sucks that other people that I love are getting older too. Kayak, aduh orang tua kita :( tapi kok kita gini-gini aja. Don't get me wrong, I think we all know Im not a family kind of person dari dulu tapi tetep lah kalau ngomongin tentang orang tua suka membuat kita sendu.

The other thing that sucks are expectations. Of course we all have expectations put on us by friends, family, ourselves, and quite often they are tethered to age and big birthdays in particular. I will admit that daydreaming teenage me would probably have expected to have a kid or two by now. My Mum had me when she was 24, so I always thought I’d have kids at a similar age until I was actually 29 and realised how ‘OMG! NO WAY! NO THANK YOU!’ huge the whole thing was.

I'm just hoping that one day at one point of my life, I would go back down memories lane and said "I feel content with my life".

That's it. Bye :)

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